I watched some jets take off and land at the airport in Albany. It was pretty nice, actually seeing the jets taxi down the runway, the engines picking up steam. Then they would turn on even harder and the pilots would shoot the jet fast, heading this time in the other direction. The planes would go out of my view and then suddenly, the nose of the aircraft would be visible to me, peeking above some treetops. The planes thrusted into the the sky and I watched each disappear to the clouds. It was quite beautiful, despite being grey and overcast. A few jets landed too. I’d never seen a plane land with my own eyes. It was scary, actually. The first one, a Delta plane, seemed to come in really hard, and the wings tilted a bit from side to side. It was quite beautiful, though, as with a loud screech their landing gears hit the ground and the planes shot quickly out of site. My heart pounded more watching them land than watching them take off. It was a little scary.

Some people may call me a coward, but I call myself a human being. I’m not thrilled at the prospect of flying down the road. I’ve always wondered if that is how I will meet my maker. The thought of meeting my maker is a little scary to me, actually.  I’m not sure where it comes from, this paralyzing fear of things. So weird because I’ve never been afraid of viruses, germs or even being punched for that matter. Airplanes however have always kept me up at night.

I have this dream sometimes that I’m waiting at the boarding area with a pass in my hand. I can’t seem to grab the courage to pass through the metal detectors, though. I don’t refuse to go. The dream just stops right there, though. On occassion, however, I say screw it, and I walk through the metal detectors and on to the plane, which takes off and lands. I feel so free, so great then. I don’t know if there is any meaning to this. Every time I try to address my fear of flying, I seem to conquer one aspect only to have another arise.

I guess we all die some day so I shouldn’t be too weirded out by the possibility of perishing in what is really the most infrequent of transportation accidents. Perhaps there is room for some spiritual growth here. One thing’s for sure: I have to face down this fear sometime.