I was really anxious today. My OCD was flaring up as it hasn’t in a while, seemingly jumping around looking for something to pester me about. Obsessive Compulsive Disorder is strange like that. It likes to come at times of stress or transition or challenge. It’s rude. OCD can exist in regards to so many different things in just one person’s head: cleanliness, symmetry, health, religion, etc. and bounce from thing to thing in a matter of minutes.

My OCD tends to be about scientific and philosophical questions. It really aggravates me a lot because these are questions that can’t be answered and yet they swirl around in my head. From having this anxiety disorder, which I’ve had since I was 12, I have learned to cope with it better.

Tonight I went and played ice hockey. I hadn’t played in two months, since our season ended, but there was a pickup game up in Troy, New York (about 10 minutes away) and I went up there. I was surprised by how well I skated. I’m in much better shape than I was at the end of the season and certainly at the beginning of the season in October, when I was over 220 pounds and unable to change direction.

When I was a kid, I skated much more than I do now and I had to be forced off the ice, my endurance was that good. At 27-years-old, I suppose my age is showing! I was still happy with how I skated, though. My OCD was relatively powerless over me as I went up and down the ice at the Knickerbacker Arena. I may go again next week. I’d like to get better. I wish I could have some free time to skate with the puck and work on my stickhandling.

There were guys who skated circles around those of us less experienced or less fit players. It was fun though. I really enjoyed playing tonight and I feel my brain is a little cooler than it was five hours ago.

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