It’s true. I never thought I’d live to see the day that the one time intergalactic warlord would convert to the “religion” he inadvertently inspired much less be paroled from the prison cell wherein he spent some 75 million years, but I announce to you, the world of Scientology that your cult can rejoice because today, today, today, the unthinkable has happened. And I have a picture to prove it too.

What do you think?

In 1987 the BBC, long interested in exploring the cult of Scientology (yes, it is a cult, thank you very much), produced a cartoon to detail what Xenu, the intergalactic leader Scientologists blame for creating this whole mess we’re in.

The BBC’s rendition of Xenu resembled a human being, although other versions, including one by Trey Parker and Matt Stone, creators of South Park, had a very distinct out-of-this world look.

As the West learned in 2006 after riots throughout the Muslim world left hundreds dead or injured, many adherents of Islam are loathe to see depictions of their prophet.

Seeing as the Church of Scientology neither confirms nor denies the existence of Xenu in their cosmology (recently, high-ranking stars such as Juliette Lewis, Leah Remini and Kirstie Alley had the gall to deny it), it is important for us gentiles to take a stab at depicting the leader who apparently banished Aliens from his overpopulated galaxy to volcanoes and then dropped atom bombs on them and then captured their souls and then indoctrinated them with false beliefs and then had them take to human bodies…phew, that was hard.

Anyway, I know Scientology believes in Xenu, although many are too scared to admit it. I’ve come up with a contest and I’m urging you to participate in it. The prize isn’t much, only $20, but well worth it. Here goes: submit a drawing or painting (scanned and emailed) of what you believe Xenu looks like to me at paul_esmond@yahoo.com or peoplevspaul@hotmail.com Pretty simple. Just send it as an attachment. I’ll post all of the entries and choose them among a lottery. We’ll figure out how you can get your $20, which by the way, I have in an envelope. I’ll give you credit for the depiction so long as I can post it here on this site. Anyway, I’m gonna take a stab at it myself, although I am automatically disqualified from the $20.

So what are you waiting for? Just do it. Show me what Xenu looks like to you.

DISCLAIMER: Scientologists and non-Scientologists encouraged to participate. No Thetans.